A masterpiece in the making. . .

So I know I have a more updated version of this story but I can't find it write now. It's a little cheesy because I think this may be only my second draft, but I will post the most up to date one once I find it. Enjoy. =)
If you ever felt like you just melt into the background or like no one listens or cares you’re not alone. If you ever felt like you were drowning in a sea of defeat and despair with the surface slipping farther away. . . I know how that feels. You try everything to be noticed right? But nothing ever seems to work. You’ve never even had a real friend. You go through life like this and the longer you go on without being noticed the more you convince yourself that you’ll stay lonely and all isolated from the rest of the world. Forever. The fear of being alone begins to eat through you like a flesh eating disease. It starts at the surface and tears deep through your skin, into your bones and muscles, all the way down to your heart yet, it doesn’t stop there. That fear, eating at your soul to the point where you don’t think you can take it anymore. Well that’s how I felt. You’re probably wondering who this pathetic, lonesome, self-pitying soul is that is narrating this little “tale”, right? So I guess I should introduce myself. The name’s Meriam Lupin, but I go by Mimi. Not Mim or Meri. Mimi. You are most likely wondering by now what happened to me. Well…just keep reading and you will find out the awful truth.
Let me take you back a few years to my senior year of high school which would be my very last year living on this earth. The only goal, the only dream or ambition I had was to be noticed by a boy in a way more than just acquaintanceship. I wanted to be loved by a boy. Everyday I’d walk through the densely populated halls of my high school hoping that maybe, just maybe I’d get noticed. I prayed for a boy, any boy to at least say something to me, and I cried myself to sleep hoping to dream of Nathan.
Walking through the halls of that place just felt like I was walking straight into a black hole that would just suck out every inch of hope and life out in me that would later throw me into an ominous abyss that would be impossible to escape.
Everywhere I went I kept my diary with me and I would write things like, “Dear Diary, What’s wrong with me? Am I just a fat ugly lard? Why do I even try? No one cares. Nathan will NEVER like me. Not in a million years. I’m just gonna end up alone anyways.” That was the undeniable truth. Or at least it seemed that way.
One day completely out of the blue, Nathan came up to me and said, “Hey Mimi. I know that we don’t really know each other but I was wonder if you’d maybe wanna go to a movie or something sometime?” In complete udder shock I attempted to speak, “Uh...I…Uh…I’d love to.” Smiling Nathan said, “Sweet. What’s your number? I’ll call you later.” So I of course gave him my number and that night he called me. We ended up going to the movies that night and really hit it off. I couldn’t believe it. After all these years and after all my journals entries I finally found someone that was into me. ME.
Eventually we spent every day together. Going to school now felt like heaven. Walking through the halls now felt like I was falling into an abyss that would lead me into the arms of Nathan. The boy I wanted to marry. The boy I was going to marry. He loved me. He told me so. I of course loved him in return. He completed me. Being without him was torture. It felt wrong. That familiar feeling of loneliness would try to creep back into my soul. Without him I felt like a fish out of water. Lost in a world where no one but him could understand me. He made me who I wanted to be. Without him I was nothing about an insignificant speck of life. All I could think about was his bouncy curls and his deep, dark, and entrancing eyes. All I longed for when we were apart was his strong, warm, and relaxing arms and the soft touch of his hand against my face. His beauteous bright smile made me weak at the knees. I was absolutely, irrevocably, head over heels in love with him. He was my life. Everything was incredibly perfect. I was finally living. I was never afraid because he would never leave me. Nothing could’ve ruined the wonderful bliss I was in…..That was a lie.
Nathan began to act strange. He was becoming distant and secretive. I’d go days without hearing from him and he’d walk passed me in the hall ways without even glancing over to me and I know he knew I was there. Well one day his strange behavior was explained. He’d been contemplating a way to break up with me. “Mimi,” he said. “I can’t do this anymore. It just doesn’t feel right anymore. I don’t love you anymore and I think I love someone else.” I couldn’t believe what had happened. It felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. My lungs became constricted and my chest felt like it was going to collapse. The familiar, comforting, warm sting of tears run down my face, smearing my mascara that I had put on just for my Nathan. My heart seemed to no longer be in my chest but in my stomach and that ever so familiar feeling of utter loneliness once again began to tear and rip through my soul.
Staring at Nathan I didn’t know what else to do but run. I ran out of the school and I ran home. Once I got home I walked around my house, not able to feel anything; searching for some emotion in my soul. I couldn’t find anything, so I went for the kitchen and grabbed a knife and ran in across my wrist. I felt something. The blood began to ooze and it slowly dripped onto the floor. Slash . . . Slash. . . Slash. . .Slash! I continued to slash my wrists. Oh how it felt so good. Each was longer and deeper than the last but eventually it stopped feeling good and just hurt. I looked down into the puddle of my own blood and I saw the truth of everything. The reality of it was that Nathan had left me. He wasn’t mine anymore. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Luckily for me my dad owned a gun. He kept it hidden in my parents’ bedroom but he didn’t think I even knew about it. Fortunately, I overheard him discussing the whereabouts of it with my mother last week so I found it and took it.
Later the day I went for a walk and took the gun with me. As I walking I swear I saw Nathan walking in the distance holding the hand of Lindsay, a cheerleader from my school. So I decided to check and see if it was really them. I was right.
Slowly I approached them and said, “Why hello Nathan. It’s wonderful to see you.” He looked right at me, then he noticed the sleeve of my sweater and saw it drenched in blood. He looked back up at me with a scared, worried look in his eyes. I smiled at him reassuringly, and then I looked over at Lindsay and said, “Don’t you two make such a cute couple. But not as cute as Nathan and I.” Clearly offended by that statement Lindsay replied, “Mimi, back off. You’re just jealous that I got Nathan and that you’ll never be with him again. He’s mine.” I laughed, “Oh, I think you’re wrong Lindsay. I’m gonna be with him again and this time it’ll be forever.” I reached into my sweater and pulled out my dad’s gun, covered in my dried blood. “Nathan, I know that you really still love me. You were just confused and made a silly mistake but I forgive you.” “Mimi…,” he said. “What….What are you talking about? We broke up. I don’t love you anymore.” Again I laughed, “Oh Nathan, don’t be so silly. You love me and only me. We’re gonna be together forever.” I raised the gun, pointed it towards Nathan, I could tell that this is what he REALLY wanted deep down, so I put my finger on the trigger and said. “We’re gonna be together forever Nathan. You love me and I love you,” and I pulled the trigger. “Nathan! Oh god. No, no, no! You can’t be dead! You just can’t,” Lindsay screamed as she rushed to Nathan’s limp body. “You psycho! You killed him. How dare you say you love him and then kill him?! You’re nothing but a murderer,” Lindsay said as she hugged Nathan’s now lifeless body. Smiling down at Nathan I said, “I love you, baby. We’re gonna be together forever,” I lifted the barrel to my temple, pulled the trigger and everything simply went black.

Dream Big

It is a proven fact that those who set there goals high are more likely to succeed those with low goals. It is also proven that those who WRITE there goals down AND TALK to someone about their goals are very likely to succeed. So you know what? I dream big and I don't stop. Some of my dreams may seem ridiculous to others but I don't care. I have places I wanna go, things I wanna do and many things I want. My dream is to be a professional actress. Being a professional stage actress is my first dream, but Hollywood doesn't sound that bad. I also want to become fluent in FRENCH. Eventually, I'll live in France. I also most likely live in New York at some point in my life. And don't tell me that I should think about New York. Don't tell me that it's expensive and a rough life. Don't ask, "Are you sure about New York? It's not a good place to live." I KNOW what I want. Yes, it's expensive, crowded, dirty and rough, but after getting a little taste of the NY life. . . .I want more because you know what? All in the end it's gonna be worth. In the end, you only have one life and I won't be the one asking, "Where'd did the time go? What did I do with my life?" I'll be the one asking, "How the hell did I do all of that in such a short time?"
And my dreams don't stop there. I eventually wanna go back to school for human development and psychology. My hope is to one day become a high school counselor or a therapist who specializes in adolescent mental health. More often than not, teenagers' problems are overlooked as just being "hormones" or "there's a lot going in your life, or "your body is going through a lot of changes." There are times when there ARE other underlining issues that need to be looked at and treated. I want to be the one teens CAN go to and feel COMFORTABLE to talk to.
And yet, my dreams STILL don't stop there. =)
I want to travel. I want to visit ALL U.S. States and I want to travel to every continent apart from Antarctica. =p
I want to go on an African Safari. I want to go backpacking through Europe. I want to visit the rain forests and more!
I have big dreams that I will accomplish. ~Peace!


Tell me about your dreams!

Dream A Little Dream

So these last few weeks I have actually been able to dream. Which is weird from me because it's been months since I have. Them most common type of dreams for me have been ones where I haven't been able to breathe. Sometimes I am drowning, sometimes times I am suffocating and other times there isn't a clear cause for why I  can't breathe. It's very frustrating at times due to the fact that my dreams become so real that I actually can't breathe so then I wake up trying to catch my breath. Other dreams have consisted of me running away from something or someone like I have done something wrong. It's odd.


Anyone else have weird dreams like mine? ~Peace!

Self Discovery-Looks

I love my complexity to adapt and to change. I love my determination. . .I always fight for what I want. I love my little hips, lips, and my skin color. It is sometimes chocolate and sometimes caramel. Sometimes pale and sometimes tan, but it's beautiful. I love my eyes. I believe they say a lot about me. They define my characters. Many people comment about them. Some say they are never ending. Others saying they are intimidating yet sometimes entrancing. Before high school. . .I didn't really comment about how I felt about myself. Especially the way I look. I couldn't decide whether I thought I was pretty or not. When I finally decided what I saw myself as, I was afraid to voice it. I didn't want to get scolded or such. I didn't wanna be seen as self centered or vain. But the truth it. . . .I find myself beautiful! ~Peace!

Tell me about a time you discovered something about yourself!
I want to know!!!

Perfect Summer Night

So Krystle and I rode in the back her father's car tonight. It was pretty groovy! The air flowed through our hair, the stars were shining bright. The air felt good on our skin that earlier was covered in sweat. The mosquitoes couldn't even touch us. Life felt pretty good at that moment. Krystle and I were kinda playing hide and seek with the cars. We would peek out slightly of the back and then lay back down. We were on the lookout for cops of course! It was pretty exhilarating. It was an adrenaline rush!!! Loved it! Loved it! LOVED IT!!!

Tell me about your guys favorite/perfect summer night. Fact or fantasy!

Ugh. . .Poli-TICS

Does anybody else hate politics? Cuz I sure do. Too much controversy. Too much drama. The bashing commercials and such. It just gets annoying after while. And just the fact that i still have another year and half til I can vote. People say I have no right to complain BUT I do. Freedom of speech baby! Any thoughts about politics?

Hello World

So this last week or so has been a little stressful. My sister was was hospitalized for having multiple blood clots in both her legs. One went up into her lung and another moved closed to her heart. She was in the icu for a couple of days. It was a lot of stress put on my family. Emotions were running high and patience was running low. Thankfully, she's coming home today. And hopefully, she'll have a good recovery.  -Peace!